Happy weekend, how have you been coping with the relaxed lock down? Have you resumed physical presence at your workplace? How was your May 4th experience? Did you feel safe going out? Or your concerns were increased. Rather, did you feel indifferent like ‘nothing dey happen’. 

This post is my confession about my May 4th experience, feel free to make your comment after reading. During the total lock down, I maintained the control measure of social distancing, restricted movement and so on, I didn’t have any fear about Corona Virus. However, I resumed work on May 4 and it’s effect on me was unexpected , I had panic attack.

Left work earlier than usual to avoid being caught in the curfew. I got home quite early around 6pm, felt really tired that I slept early and tired. It was a tough one getting up from bed on Tuesday morning. I was kinda feeling sick but I had to work from home. It is unusual of me to feel sick, I began to check my body temperature which was slightly warmer than usual and I felt my eyelids playing open-and-close with me. In a nutshell, I started feeling sick and I feared that I could have contracted Corona Virus from my commute to/fro work.

I became fearful and in fear I sent string of messages to my boss.
[5/5, 5:22 PM] Ifeoluwa_DIFE: Good evening Ma
[5/5, 5:23 PM] Ifeoluwa_DIFE: Ma, honestly I’m scared of going out
[5/5, 5:24 PM] Ifeoluwa_DIFE: Since last night till now, I have been afraid that I hope I have not contracted Corona Virus
[5/5, 5:25 PM] Ifeoluwa_DIFE: I don’t know 🤦🏼‍🤦🏼‍… But I don’t feel safe going out.

After a couple of minutes, my boss replied and asked if I had symptoms of Corona Virus. Of course, I didn’t have the symptoms but fear was having it’s toll on me and I was giving myself symptoms that were not there. She rightly rebuked me for sending such message to her because my message had the ability to induce fear into anyone who had been with me at the office.

She said I should have just communicated directly to her that I feel unsafe commuting to work due to the present Covid-19 pandemic. She noted that she won’t force anyone to come to the office because she recognises how unsafe it is to move around in this time. She gave me 1 day off work to rest and take care of myself.

I realized what I did was wrong but more importantly, I know I needed to deal with fear. I was afraid of Corona Virus and I feared I had/ could contract it. Sadly, fear saw its chance in me and ruled me. I retraced myself to my ’Fear free’ default setting ‘For He has not given me the spirit of fear but of love, power and sound mind’.

No matter the matter, either with Corona Virus or non Covid-19 related matters, give no room for fear. It does nothing better rather it makes things worse and complicated.

Cheers to ‘fear- free’ days henceforth even in the face of challenges.

Je t’aime mon ami😘😘

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